A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I rarely shop on clothes or electronics. I usually "splurges" on food and books. But since I have my e-book reader, it's just food and food then.

But in this so-called "Sale" season, I allow myself to splurge a bit on apparels. Starting with 1 pants, and then 1 super comfy shoes ;) and another pants (same model, different color, Geez!!). And now I'm aiming for another pants and a few basic tops. Also since last week I've been inspired to buy a small bag (Goodness me :P), and maybe a few working shirt..

I'm shamefully uncontrollable!! :(

Seems like after I allow myself to spend on one thing, it feels like I'm on a high. I'm on a huge roll and feel like I NEED to buy something else. That's why usually I avoid malls as much as I can, as I don't want to spend too much on unnecessary things and always keep my priorities on check. But I guess once I unleash the shopping devil inside of me, it will need one hell of a self restraint and discipline to put it back on leash..

I sent out my thoughts and prayers to Allah.

And so does billions of other people; and even trillions of those sent by djinns, animals, plants, microbes.. Every living, breathing being in this universe pray to Allah. So Allah must be very busy. But yet He keeps on listening. And watching. And warmed your heart just by remembering His names. Because He loves you, and He will never ever desert you.

Countless of prayers and hopes sent out everyday, and yet not even one is overlooked or neglected. If you feel like you're being ignored, it means He has other plans for you. Wether to test your faith, or to be patient, or to teach you to embrace His will, because His plan for you will be much more beautiful than your own. He sees, He listen, and He knows what's on your mind and what's troubling you, for He is closer to you than you own vein.

So have faith, and never give up. But when the time comes for you to actually given up, be grateful. Because Allah has given you a chance to make a new start, and carved a new beautiful path in your life.

I wrote this as a note to myself. Men can't change. Whatever they say, whatever the excuses are, they just won't change -- and you just have to take it or leave it.

Men are like, .. Stones. You can't change the shape of a stone, especially with hard forces. You'll only break it, and it will left you with nothing. Sadness & loneliness, maybe. And hurting yourself along the way.

The way to change a stone, is with patience. Like water drips, everyday, for the longest time, but then you'll be able to see holes on that stone. Or you can shape the stone by chipping it, one soft thud at a time. And with patience, you will reach your goal. But never do it with full force.

Tonight I forget this golden rule. I know, and he knows-- that it's the best thing to do. But that stubborn mule brain of his got the better of him. As a result, disappointment ate me alive. And causing me an actual chest pain. :-( It reminds me how badly can emotional pain hurts your physical state of being. I forget that quite a lot.

Another problem is, can I accept him for what he is? Warts and all?

While sitting by the window, watching the rain and sipping a cup of delicious lemongrass tea; I`m thinking of beauty. A woman`s physical beauty. A beauty that would last only for 40 years, the most. But most physical beauties would only last for 20 to 30 years.

On my last trip home I went to see my Grandmother, and had an annual family gathering. My Aunt told me that she once saw a picture of my Grandmother when she was young, so very pretty, and none of her descendants are nearly as pretty as she used to. My Grandmother just smiled sheepishly at the remarks.

And I was just thinking, having lived with such beauty for, say, 40 years. And getting guys` attention in a full span of, say, 25 years. It`s more than half of your life (I meant the 40 years part). And gradually have to part with all of those privileges.. Seeing the beauty and the attention wears off day by day, each time you
look at the mirror, and each time a single line of wrinkles adorns your pretty face.

It must have been very hard.

It`s a good thing that I`m not THAT pretty :P At least I wouldn`t have such a hard time parting with I don`t have in the first place. :) But anyway, it reminds me, that`s why we need to invest more of our time, money and energy on something that can last much longer. Like intelligence, a good personality, or health. Or
our state of mental peace; or raising kids with intelligence and a good personality. :)

Ever wonder how to actually understand the sophisticated coffee titles in your favourite coffee house's menu? Well worry not.
Here we have a very good graphic explanation on what's in each of your cup of coffee you ordered. ;)

Enjoy!



via http://blog.nest-living.com

Today, once again, I was being reminded that human is thoroughly helpless. We can only pray, and hope, and keep a good strong faith on whatever it is that you want.

And let God do the rest.

A few days ago I was so worried, about him, about his father, and how it will affect him, me, us, and it makes me even more sad and worried when I saw him so sad, restless and seems to be holding such a huge burden, but there`s nothing I can do to relieve his agony. I feel so helpless and I keep on wondering when does all this will end and how it will affect our future plans, for it will.

But then, when I already lose faith and prepare for the worst, suddenly everything is getting better.

Rapidly!!

I just can`t believe it, and all I can do is whispering my thanks and gratitude to God.

Really, all you need is a strong faith and a great deal of positivity and everything is going to be alright. :D

But even that simple task is pretty heavy for my insolent soul. Because we humans never know what`s good for us even if it was slapped into our faces. It shames me in seeing how impatient and narrow minded I can be some (most of the) time. :-S

But now that things are looking good, I`ll just keep on praying that it will stay like this for quite a long time.

Thank you God. :)

So here is my list of the things that made me happy. Actually this list should went further down, but I limit it to the things that made me INSTANTLY happy. :D

1. The tinkling sound of children laughter
2. A cub (puppy, kitten, hamster, bunnies; anything!)
3. A dark rainy morning on my day off, so I'd have more reason to go back to sleep
4. Start reading a new book
5. Cold wind blowing on a warm day, and I just gaze at the trees and the skies, dangling my feet :)
6. The sight of trees
7. Smell of rain
8. The smell of my husband; his embraces and his loving words
9. View of the horizon, when the ocean met the sky :)
10. An unexpected sincere helping hands when I really need it
11. The smell of the ocean

This is a very valuable and easy to follow 7 precepts to live a green life by http://www.dothegreenthing.com/

1. Walk The Walk; You get from A to B without any C. Walk as often as you can. Or if it's really unbearably far, take public transport.

2. Easy On The Meat; It’s delicious but it causes more CO2 than cars.

3. Stick With What You Got; Resist the urge to buy the latest trends/ products and only buy what you REALLY need.

4. Turn down the central heating and turn up the Human Heat; or if you live in the tropics like me, try to manage to live with a fan and reduce your AC usage as minimal as you can bear.

5. All-Consuming; The art of wasting nothing and using up everything

6. Stay Grounded; Instead of jetting your way around the world

7. Plug Out; Don’t leave it on or even put it on

Last weekend I bought this pinhole glasses.


I accidentally bumped into this glasses 2 weeks ago, when I was waiting for a friend, and I decided to waste my time at Daiso, looking at all the cool and quirky Japanese's answer to all of our life's needs.

And then I saw the glasses. Attracted by the ridiculous solid black plastic with evenly-spaced tiny holes replacing the lens, I start trying it on and read the back package. It says that the glasses can be used for an eye therapy to reduce far-sightedness, near-sightedness, astigmatism, and the likes of it. :P Having already promised myself to live lightly, and not to waste money on things that I'd only neglects after 1-2 times of using; I decided not to buy it that instant, but to research some more about this peculiar pinhole glasses, and make sure that it really worked.

Turns out that it is true! This glasses is a very cheap and non-evasive way to improve your eye sight. You don't even need a prescription to get one of there (I bought it at Daiso, remember? :P :D)

At the first time I wear it, the subtitle words on tv which usually looked blurred from afar, suddenly became clearer and sharper. :) But when I use it to read a much smaller text on computer screen, I can feel my eyes is working hard to focus, to get the clearest image for me. It gives sort of a giddy feeling on my eyes. Not the sort of feeling that I like, but I guess I have to take it since it's an important exercise to keep my lazy eyes well trained to focus. :P

But keep in mind that this pinhole glasses tends to block your peripheral vision so only use it when in stable environments. Do not use it while driving.


Me and my pinhole glasses(above).

So I guess I will try to religiously wearing this glasses for at least an hour a day, or whenever I watch tv or working on computer (at home), and I will post about the result within 1 or 2 months. :)

More links to enlightened you about this fabulous invention :
- Wikipedia
- Myopia.org

The only thing that feels right is design. And you feel that you're truly at your elements when you design things. But then, there will be people telling you that you're not good enough.

But how can it be?

While the love and passion for design is still burning like hell's fire, how can the design be not good?

Well there are many many reason. Maybe you're just unlucky. Maybe you're still lacking of experience, but the talent is there. So you'd just have to practice more. Read more. See more.

But the most important thing is, try again. You can't stop everytime there's people telling you you can't, because then, you'll gone nowhere.

You go and do whatever your heart leads you. Ignore negativities, for it will poison and rot you slowly.

Fight for your love. Fight for what you love. Fight for you beliefs. :)

I just recently watch the Sultan Hamengku Bowono X interview with Andy Noya in Metro TV. It's a very inspiring and open minded interview.

He said that the world now is measured only by materialistic figures, and not by its humanity and religiousity, as it's supposed to be anymore. It hits me, because that's exactly how I felt. It's been on my mind for a while, and until now, I feel like something has gone wrong with me.

Is it just me? Or the world has gone totally crazy? I don't know what's wrong and what's right anymore, and I just don't know the words to express it.

Even my parents-- in relation with their obsession to see me working for PU-- I felt their dissapointment for me. To me, within their dissapointment I feel like they see me as a failed being, just because I couldn't make as much money as my cousin (who worked for PU, of course..) I felt bad about my parent's dissapointment, and I'm sad because they can only see me from that 1 point of view. Although I couldn't make as much money as my cousin, I'm still a good person like they've grown me to be. I'm honest, I'm smart, I've a good sense of design, I'm not corrupt, I'm happy, I care a great deal about the environment.. I'm a responsible citizen, and I am a good and happy person no matter how much money I can make. Can they just understands it? They still think that people without money is crippled in this society. No matter how good, how smart, how religious, how honest they are. And that kind of point of view just upsets me.

I hate the feeling they give me, I don't know, probably they'd feel it as their own failure or mine. But still a failure nevertheless. And I feel guilty for it. And I know I shouldn't! And they shouldn't also. It's just this materialistic and capitalistic ways of life has driven us all crazy, and forgetting the true meaning of why we're here. And what we're supposed to do in this world.

And in relation with the Sultan's interview, I'm touched with his honesty, his wisdom and his (trying to be) purity. He's fully aware of what his birth-right and lifetime super political power has brought him, and he knows exactly how to use it, wisely. That is to serve the community. It's very simple and I've heard it like a thousand times, but not until now did I realise how difficult that is. I think that the Sultan is raised to think of himself a servant for the community. To think that as a person with high position and super political power, he must be strong and selfless. Like a cup, to be fully functioned, it must be emptied first. Then he can be fully useful for others. That's just simply magnificent, and I hope that if everybody with power in this country can think like that, then Indonesia will have high hopes to be one of the leading superpowers of the world.

After talking to a friend I feel slightly better. I asked him how does he think of me, after all this time, have I changed or not (he's a friend from university so I figure he should be able to see the difference). Surprisingly enough he said that I've changed, but to something better. Design-wise, and economical wise. Well from those 2 points I think he's right. I'm afraid I'm going to sounds very ungrateful with what God has given me, but I feel I still have a lot of blanks to fill, a lot of things to do and accomplish. I couldn't just sit and see my life passes me by like this. I wanted to make my mark in this world, I wanted to make a change, I don't want to be common people, I wanted to be a free citizen of the world, I want to see the world, I want.. I don't know what I want anymore. S**t I'm so f***ed and clueless. :-( Probably I should take things easy and take 1 step at a time. And FOCUS, into something only God knows what.. But probably on this job. Be a great designer, and tries to make my mark with it. And then.., the next step would be WORLD DOMINATION!! LOL! Har har har har..