A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I really am very very very sorry to say this, but I think I have a serious problem, called as the above title. The constant-job-changing-syndrome.

I hits me again.

And NO, I don't do anything wrong.

Somehow I think it's the fastest way to get salary increase, (which is waaaaaaaaaaaayyy.. more than the mere 10%- 15% annual adjustment), plus it is also the easiest way to learn new things, which I really LOVE to do.

I always thought about writing a book about jobs and careers.

Yes, ME, the ill minded career psycho.

It's like taking an advice on vegan diet from the Big Bad Wolf. Gee.. Anyway, I always imagine the title will be something like, "An Imbicile's Guide to Career Advancement".

But I also want to warn you people about the danger of this syndrome. That is the hell of a time you need to fit in. It could take up to 6 months!! So you'd have to stay there (at that company) for at least 12 months to pay up for that time you need to fit in. Less than a year, well, it'll look sooooo.. bad in your CV, unless you can manage to prove an excellent career track, or a super-amazing work portfolios. Whatever that is. Whichever comes first.

I still have a lot to say. But for the complete story (so you don't need to be confused by this scattered notes), I suggest you to BUY the book. Whenever it will finally be done and comes out.

Yeah, right...

Saturday night, is the night when most people will feel guilty to sleep early. I've no problem with that.

My problem lies in what a few person in my neighborhood did while they stay awake.

In those nights, I felt mostly annoyed by the sounds of an awfully modificated raging machines (done and owned) by Valentino Rossi wannabees. It could simply be recognized by the high decibel sounds and thick fog of pollution.

Resulting in serious hearing deterioration and damaged lungs.

I really can't empathize to what's going on in those ppl's head. Somewhere in a small and remote neuro tissues of their brain, there are probably twists and knots.

Me, as a new citizen of this city, already a victim of the heavy pollution and low hygiene, are starting to loose hope when my boyfriend easily said, "Well, it's Jakarta's new trend, don't you know that..?"

I suddenly felt that my dream of having Jakarta as a clean, non-polluted city has soon fades away.

There's absolutely no hope for a city with citizens who actually thinks that damaged lungs and hearing loss is a cool thing.

This year I turn 25.
It's very crucial age.
It's a gate to the adult world, populated with rat races, corruptions, marriages and hypocrisy.

So this year, I'm officially an adult.

Soon-to-be-married, forever-contestant-of-the-rat-race, corrupted-hypocrite, adult.

Great..

So in entering this age, I need preparations, which will be :
- A totally balanced and fulfilling relationship (almost there!!)
- Investing my money in something useful (gold??)
- A well paid job, which I love
- A Master degree

This is a more realistic goals than the previous one. But hey, this is the real world we're talking about..

The idea of heaven, for me, in this world, is to be able to live independently, to live a pure life, totally unspoiled by the corrupted and polluted world.

I'll live in my own island, work for no one but still able to make a good and proper living, I'll grow my own vegetables, raise my own chicken and cow for egg and milk.

I'll make contacts with my neighbors for sure, I'll still shop for some things in the nearest traditional market or supermarket (which one comes first), I'll still be going to the big city, when it's really really necessary.

My friends will be the humble yet smart and non-fussy ladies, whatever their job is. We'll talk about our kids, family, jobs, vegetables, flowers, recipes, cows and chickens. We live with love, we don't have enemies, we left our front door open most of the days.

My kids will be raised by me (and my husband, of course..) and taught by Mother Nature. Nature is their playground, and they don't watch TV more than an hour a day.

What a beautiful place to live in, what a happy and fulfilling life it'd be..

As simple as I am

As simple as how I prefer listening to talking
As simple as how I prefer asking questions than being asked
As simple as how I prefer observing than getting involved in actions

I love learning.
Being in the position of a ‘senior’ and having ‘juniors’ asking me question always making me feel awkward.

I’ve always wanted to be the ‘junior’ and have the privilege to make mistakes and asking questions and tries something new and always feels stupid.

To always feel stupid is a privilege.

Because that way you’d always hungry and never feel content.
That way you’d always try to learn and learn and learn as much as you can but you just can’t.
Because the more you learn, the more stupid and small you’ll feel.
And I really love that feeling.

And as I fell in love (also an apology..)

But to be in love is a different thing.
Only now I feel such a great love and I think I could just die because of it. It hurts me more than anything. It makes tears came rolling down my cheek unstoppable. I kept on crying and crying at the prospect of losing this great love.. Just the thought of it hurts me more than anything..

And this love is so great that it could crush you.

I don’t know what love is just yet. I don’t know if he’s the right guy or not. All I know is that I’m happy just to see him, and I love his smell very very much.

But love doesn’t come easy and obstacles will come every now and then.

I think I’ll never going to stop thinking how sick this city is, and how sick is the people. And I hope I’ll never get used to this sick feeling. To live in a densely populated area of the city, and work in the busiest street in the city. Everyday, I’m inhaling polluted air, bathed in a desperately low quality of water and working in an office full of cockroaches. Thank God I drank only Aqua and sleep in a room that’s.. well.. Hygienic enough for me. Sometimes I really misses the good old days in Bandung, where I can just open the front door, sits at the terrace and watch fireflies dancing around the garden.. It’s so serene and peaceful.

I feel disgustingly polluted.

One afternoon, I went home from office and ride on my daily transportation, which is the 213 bus. As usual, I didn’t get any seat so I had to stand. I pick a place right behind the driver.

Definitely a perfect place to observe actually how mad and stress-proof this driver is.

And I’m not disappointed at all. The bus traveled from Sudirman to Slipi in 75 minutes. 70 minutes to get out of the traffic hell along Sudirman, and only 5 minutes from the end of Sudirman to Slipi. Unfortunately I don’t have the record on it’s travel length, so for you ppl who aren’t familiar with Sudirman or Slipi could actually imagine how utterly twisted that fact is. So, back to the story. The driver carefully (and smoothly) inched his bus at the distant of 5 centimeters away from the bus in front of him. And it’s always like that each time he gets close to another public transportation, besides taxi, of course. And when we reached the end of Sudirman, where there are quite a length of cars lining for a turn, and our great hero just smoothed his way along those cars, right up to the turning point, and easily squeezed his 3m x 8m vehicle into the super tight queue line, and voila! We’re finally free from that traffic hell!

I almost jumped with joy to see how that driver smoothly maneuvered his 3m x 8m vehicle into this very tight queue line, leaving his mark which is a massive solid dark smoke to other people.

And so, what do we learn from this? We learn, that bus drivers, however mad, crazy, irresponsible and twisted they are, they really a twisted professionals.