A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

The question above, I posted on Ask Yahoo!. I love Ask Yahoo!. I can ask just about anything, got an amusing answers along the way and boy I do have a lot of questions.

So, I just want to share my best answer by a guy called ieguy.

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Actually, yes, penis size has evolved over time - that's one reason why humans have the largest one in the primate world.

Your statement, though, that Darwin somehow said that humans are evolving into something more appropriate to modern technology is in error. Natural Selection doesn't work that way. If human females, however, begin to preferentially choose males with larger, smaller, purple, crooked, or whatever penises and thus provide a selective advantage to such males that they leave more descendants - then that would drive a change in genotype and thus likely in phenotype and thus you would have a change.

Of course, don't forget that the female would also be under selective pressure for changes in their genitalia as well - it would have to be able to accommodate those crooked, larger, etc., males. (Males would have to accept and be willing to mate with any such females as well) AND the young they have would have to have a selective advantage come the next generation and so on.

This list is compiled based on my limited personal experience, and my 4 hours of reading Mars and Venue Together Forever (John Gray, Ph.D)(up to page 116 :D). I will read some more, and if there's any other interesting points I will subsequently update the post.

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1. If he emotionally withdraws from you, let him. Just make sure when he's back to normal again, you're there to greet him w/ a beautiful smile & an open arms.

2. Always appreciate whatever he has done for you - even the smallest favor - and make sure he knows. So he'd also know that he makes you happy. This exercise is very easy. Just pretend that you're with a dolphin and you must give him "reward" (in this case is appreciation) each time he does a trick for you. :)

3. When you feel overwhelmed and tired and need to complain and and nags your mind out, do warn him first. Say things like, "I had an awful day, would you take a few minutes to just listen? You don't have to say anything and I will feel better!". By saying things like this, you give your man a chance to just relax and listen to your problems and thoughts without actually needed to give us any solutions. Because we want him to understand, and not to give us unnecessary solutions. If you didn't warn him before, he'd be unprepared, and all he'll give you is his natural reactions of giving solutions. Which we don't need. Or worse, he'll feel that he's the source of your problems and unhappiness and will get defensive in the end. And the supposedly "nurturing communication" sessions will go haywire. :P

4. Understand that when a man flicks through tv channels, it's his way to relax his mind. So let him.
Also any kind of physical activity is a good exercise for him to channel his stress. And when he's back, he'll be a much better man than before. So just let him.

5. Never obsessively ask him about his seconds by seconds activity, and constantly check/text/call him on what he's doing. There's a limit on this, on of course there are also the special circumstances, so just watch it.

i haven't open my Facebook account for a few days. I usually only open whenever there's somebody added me as their friend, or if there's anyone commenting on my pics or on the pics that I already commented on before.




Anyway ..




Just now I checked on my FB account. And at the first page, is of course, the status updates from my friends, and their latest picture uploads also.


And I feel a bit depressed. *sigh*


To know how your friends are doing, well yeah, that's good.
To know how well your friends are doing, while you're still sitting on the same lump from last year, well .. that's not so good.
To see that your friends are hanging out together without inviting you, well, that's not so good either.

I know I may sounds like some ungrateful green eyed jealous monster.. which I probably am. :D But I just can't help it.

And honestly, I still don't understand how people can get so addicted to Facebook.



Is there any social networking websites out there where I can simply count my blessings and constantly reminding me to be grateful for what I have ?

I heard this song on the radio today, and loving it! :)

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And if I could swim
I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating
in the dark.
And if was blessed
I walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving
Sunken chest.

'Cause they chose you
As the model
For their empty little dreams.
With your new head
And your legs spread
Like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you
And they gut you
And you give in.

And if I was brave
I'd climb up to you on the mountain.
They led you to drink from their fountain
Spouting lies.
And I'd slay
The horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission
To your eyes,
And I'd stand there
Like a soldier
With my foot upon his chest.
With my grin spread
And my arms out
In my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me
I'd remind you
Who you are...
Under their shell..

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you

And if they sent a whirlwind,
I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake,
I'd calm it,
And I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you
In my weak arms like a first born.

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you (through hell for you)

(through hell for you) without you
Without you (through hell for you)
Without you (through hell for you)

Now, I've walked through hell for you,
What's an adventurer to do
But rest these feet at home with you

I saw this uncle yesterday, on the bus. He slept. But what's so interesting is that, the handle of his glasses and his eyes are actually in perfect align, forming one horizontal line stretching across his face, EXACTLY as in my sketch! :D And his glasses is the frameless type, only with black handles on the sides, and obviously, the black line of his eyes.

I thought I could only see this kind of imagery in cartoon characters. But now I found what inspires it! :)

I love watching people. My Dad has the same (annoying) habit. :) I guess it runs in the family. :P If it's not because sometimes it would be considered as rude, I think I will make a serious hobby out of it. You know, like bird watching. But this is people watching. :D Or is it human watching ?

These characters are mostly picked when I am most bored. And have nothing else to do besides, well, watching people around me. So it doesn't have to be the weirdest looking/ dressed people, if they were dressed for the occasion (art performances or some sort), well, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying that there's something wrong with these people I featured. It's just that, at that fateful moment, these people gives a little tug in my heart, and draws my sudden interest to them. :)


Anyway ...


Now I will make 1 serious step forward. Well, I think it's 2. 1, is to record it (I hope nobody would sue me for this :-S this is for entertainment purposes only .. :P) And 2, I'm publishing it, here. :D

And for occasions where I cannot snap at the object of my interest, I'll do a little sketch. :D

So here's the first entry.

An old lady I saw on the bus, with purple cotton-candy like hair, purple blouse in flower pattern and I swear she smells like candy!

"It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for everyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone. " -Katie Carr, "How To Be Good" by Nick Horby

Some part of my body, somewhere near my heart (which not actually my heart, because I know it's in a perfectly healthy condition), is aching.
A simple sorry would mean the world to me..

But no, such word is like a myth. Maybe the man has never heard of it. Or even know what it means. Or what it means to me. If he ever cared about me.

And it hurts. And it hurts me more when I saw him right there and act all innocent. It hurts so bad but there's nothing I can do.

:'(

Can anyone refresh my memory on why would I go to such length as falling in love? On taking the risk of loving, at the same time you also have assigned yourself to the exclusive experience of pain. And not just the usual kind of pain. If feels like something (or somebody) is ripping off some part of your internal organs in the upper abdomen area. Damn it hurts ..

:'(

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Kami yang kini terbaring antara Krawang-Bekasi
tidak bisa teriak “Merdeka” dan angkat senjata lagi.
Tapi siapakah yang tidak lagi mendengar deru kami,
terbayang kami maju dan mendegap hati ?

Kami bicara padamu dalam hening di malam sepi
Jika dada rasa hampa dan jam dinding yang berdetak
Kami mati muda. Yang tinggal tulang diliputi debu.
Kenang, kenanglah kami.

Kami sudah coba apa yang kami bisa
Tapi kerja belum selesai, belum bisa memperhitungkan arti 4-5 ribu nyawa

Kami cuma tulang-tulang berserakan
Tapi adalah kepunyaanmu
Kaulah lagi yang tentukan nilai tulang-tulang berserakan

Atau jiwa kami melayang untuk kemerdekaan kemenangan dan harapan
atau tidak untuk apa-apa,
Kami tidak tahu, kami tidak lagi bisa berkata
Kaulah sekarang yang berkata

Kami bicara padamu dalam hening di malam sepi
Jika ada rasa hampa dan jam dinding yang berdetak

Kenang, kenanglah kami
Teruskan, teruskan jiwa kami
Menjaga Bung Karno
menjaga Bung Hatta
menjaga Bung Sjahrir

Kami sekarang mayat
Berikan kami arti
Berjagalah terus di garis batas pernyataan dan impian

Kenang, kenanglah kami
yang tinggal tulang-tulang diliputi debu
Beribu kami terbaring antara Krawang-Bekasi

Chairil Anwar (1948)
Brawidjaja, Jilid 7, No 16, 1957


[Krawang-Bekasi]
--translated by Burton Raffel

We who are lying, now, near Krawang-Bekasi,
We can no longer cry out “Freedom,” no longer lift our rifles

But who cannot still hear our moans?
Still see us marching forward, unafraid?

We speak to you out of the suspended silence of evening
When the chest feels empty, when clocks tick away time

We died young. All that remains of us: bones covered with dust.
Remember, remember us!

We’ve tried, done all we could
But the job isn’t finished, is hardly begun

We’ve given the lives we had
The job isn’t finished, no one can count up, still, the meaning of four thousand,
of five thousand lives

We are only scattered bones
But they belong to you
And you will decide the value of these scattered bones
Either we died for freedom, for victory, for hope

Or for nothing.
We don’t know, we can no longer say
Only you can speak, now

We speak to you out of the suspended silence of evening
When the chest feels empty, when clocks tick away time

Remember, remember us—
Let our lives live on
Guarding Soekarno
Guarding Hatta
Guarding Sjahrir

We are corpses
Give us meaning
Keep watch over the frontier between reality and illusion

Remember, remember us
Who survive only in these bones covered with dust
Thousands of us, lying near Krawang-Bekasi.


．Burton Raffel, ed. & trans., The Complete Poetry and Prose of Chairil Anwar,
Albany : State University of New York Press, 1970, pp. 126-129.

It strikes me this morning, while I'm doing the Spa layout while glancing at google thinking of what I want to read and search today, and absorbing my drifting thoughts and chatted online with my hubby and friends *yes, I am a multitasker, and a good one, that is ;)*. And it strikes me that I need a new camera. A pocket camera with a good wide angle.

YES.

It's just that I'm reminiscing my GoodLorax blog, and thinking what a nice photo objects we have here in this squeaky clean sunny little island, and thinking about other trips that me and my husband are planning in the future, and what a nice angles I took *smug* and thinking it would be great for my art-culture-travel review if I had a good camera, with wide angle, of course.

It's a lame excuse maybe, but at least I got one. :D

Anyway, after that I'm doing a research on a few wide angled prosumer cameras (it's like a crossbreed between pocket camera and DSLR), and found this 2 candidates, Ricoh Caplio GX-200, and Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX3.

After a couple of hours of browsing, I kind of lean on to this LX3. Although I do consider a few other options like Nikon Coolpix P90, Canon Powershot SX10 IS, and Lumix FZ28 ..

After a few more hours of web page flipping and reading, I stumbled into the famous Xiaxue blog. I've heard about her before from a friend that described her as "the blogger who got famous after posting her nose job pics on her blog", but haven't got the chance to look and read her blog.

And I did, just now.

And guess what I found? :D

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Lumix LX3 !!!!

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Omigod, she's using Lumix LX3 !! I think this is some sort of fate, or revelation, or whatever. And in her blog she said that Rozz (from 98.7, from Shan & Rozz, the afternoon radio show that I always listened to), is also using this LX3 !!

Wow..

:)

I know this is some kind of sign. :)

Anyway, I think I will definitely buy this camera if my husband got that new job. You know, bigger income, more money to spend on fun. :D Because this camera is quite pricey. I looked over a couple of online stores in Singapore, and they sell it at the range of 680 - 700 SGD. Quite pricey, but I think it would definitely worth every cents.


*sigh*

"cross fingers and hope that hubby will get the job ..*



It looks just like another pocket camera, but see that sticker that says 24 mm WIDE ANGLE? Geez..

It makes all the difference. Just take a look at the picture below (taken from http://www.sammiller.net/Blog/Digital-Camera-Wide-Angle-Lens-Comparison).

I took the 35 mm picture as comparison, because most cameras uses this lens, including my hubby's, and my current camera.

Unless I wanted to upgrade to DSLR (which I don't want to do, because of the weight and size and price factor), I think LX3 is the best choice around (for me).

Don't you ever feels that these past few months has been so weird and unexpected? Since November last year I feel like the future is so unpredictable that I wouldn't make any plans even for the next 3 months. Its just too risky.

And its just not fit my liking as newlyweds to unable to plan for anything. I need to plan. I need to collect money, I need to get pregnant, I need to buy a house, I need to buy a car, I need to save to get a proper medical care, and I need to save to be able to give our child the best of environment, food, health care and education.

I can't even take advantage of my free complementary honeymoon stay at Banyan Tree (YET!) and I'm too timid and cautious not to book any cheap promotional airplane tickets for August and beyond.. This whole thing becomes more and more overwhelming to me.

But as for now, I'm just drifting away with the current, and silently pray that I will still have my job tomorrow ..

Come to think of it, it's satirically funny. So now I really realize that the world IS round, and so does wheel.

And how does this affect my so-called "married-life" ?

I do feel changed after getting married. And with all the retrenchments looming around, and pay cut breathing down my neck, I'm most certainly are changed.

I become obsessed with saving, I get irritated easily, and I can no longer be happy with the sight of the stars, or by the vivid greens of leaves. It used to be my secret longing and indulgence.

I'm trying to be back to my old relaxed & grateful & easy-to-please self, and try to see even the thinnest silver lining in the skies.. :)

Sometimes i wonder why we're so busy w/ the fake capitalistic beauties surrounds us, busy earning money to get more unnecessary pleasures and beauties, while we can get all the best things in life for free? Like the magnificent skies, the moon and the stars .. And a warm and joyful heart cause by the sight of a baby's smile, a dear friend's joke, or the warm hug of our loved ones.

Did you know that Michelangelo created the statue of David at the age of 29? And the other day I read about Lady Gaga, this new singer that was noted to be a very talented singer song-writer, that some say she'll be the Madonna of the future, is only 22 years old! Somehow some people already done so much in such an early start; and here I am 28 years and 2 weeks old, still haven't done anything significant, and it got me thinking, am I just wasting my time in this world? :-S

I surely hope not.

I may not travel the globe, I may not going to much of an interesting adventures, I may not be a visionary, and I may not the richest girl in the world; but I have my family, my loved ones, my friends. And I earn enough halal money to live a decent normal life in Indonesia, and that's good enough for me.

I'm still struggling to be "somebody", though I still don't know how to do that just yet. I really want to leave my mark in this world, in a good way, that when I die, some people would still remember me as not just somebody, but somebody who has done a good thing for the world.

Maybe later, Insya Allah when I have enough money, by building a mosque, or an orphanage, or some house for the elderly.. But I want to do something for the world, if not for the people around me..

Yesterday is the first day of Chinese New Year. The first day of year of the Ox.

As the few last days of the year of the Rat hasn't been very nice to me, I have high hopes in this year of the Ox that I'd have a good fortune throughout the year.

Despite of my high hopes and how grateful I am if I really do have a good fortune this year, my human greed part of brain is telling me, how lucky and how much fortune can I get in a recession time like this?

In a global recession, can it actually be a recession? I mean, we can say that it's a recession if someone is having less than the other. But now, everybody's money is lessening. So the entire world is getting poorer, and when everybody has less, then it should still be normal right? :)

I've been trying to understand God lately.

What I've read, seen, experienced lately has either confuse me or scared me. And both are not some kind of feeling that I fond of.

It all started with me trying to find God. And I browse through shelves of books on spirituality, from Buddha and Dalai Lama to Mother Theresa and Eckhart Tolle.. But then I ended up with a biography of His last Messenger, Muhammad. Because I thought, if I really wants to find God, I should start with the closest person to God, which is Muhammad. I read Mohammad's biography, and found how life, even Muhammad himself, as the best amongst humans, are vulnerable. And how Muhammad, is guiding his life and path to the real victory by having a strong faith in God, and surrender everything in the Hands of God. And how our judgment, is so short-termed, shallow and stupid, and truly, most humans don't know the REAL good thing when it's standing right before him.

After that, I read this books titled The World Without Us, by Alan Weisman. This book, really is a revelation. It actually is a non-fiction book covering the main theme of what happens to the earth when human beings disappear. But for me, the book manage to covers not only the scientific aspects of what happens to the world after we're gone, but also the human nature and it evokes a deep religious and philosophical thinking. In short, a really good book. :)

Quoting from the book :

"I can't imagine a more appropriate setting." he says, "to describe what amounts to genocide. In my lifetime, millions of people slaughtered in death camps, from Europe's Holocaust to Darfur, are proof of what our species is capable of. My 50-year career has been absorbed by the extraordinary loss of huge animals whose heads don't appear on these walls. They were all exterminated, simply because it can be done. ..."

and, :

The matter is more complicated than a killer instinct that never relents until another species is gone. It involves acquisitive instincts that also can't tell when to stop, until something we never intended to harm is fatally deprived of something it needs. We don't actually have to shoot songbirds to remove them from the sky. Take away enough of their home or sustenance, and they fall dead on their own.

While reading the book, I get too carried away, at some point I even hate humans. :)) And I start thinking about God again, about Angels, and what did they think about humans, and are they ever regret for choosing us as Khalifah's of the World..

And I became really curious, about what God's plan behind all this.. Why God let us humans slaughtered all the magnificent creature that He once created? Why God let us human to keep on doing damage in this world, suffocated His other perfect creation to death, hunt them to extinction, and poison the entire Earth?

If I were God, I'd be very disappointed. I'd be very angry. But I'm not God. And I know that God has the most beautiful plan for all of us.

When I started my search of God, the Economic Crisis has been looming around for a couple of months. And now, as the Great Wall of Capitalism is falling around me, one of it's gracious brick fell right smack into my right foot, not enough to hurt me, but enough to startle and wake me up.

My friends got laid off right in front of me.

I knew that people being laid off, and I knew that the economy is bad, but looks like all of those things are only happening in TV. In my little world, nothing could go wrong, and I could live forever.. :P But this, really got me thinking.

This job, which I consider is pretty good; the one job that once got me thinking about re-assessing my wedding plans; the one job that I could count on; the one job where I can actually see it as my ladder to the peak of my precious career; is nothing but a mirage that can disappear anytime now.

And now I really understand, that life IS vulnerable. And we shouldn't count on anything but God, and only God. Because God can turn one life's around in a single second, and we have no power whatsoever on our lives. That's why, just like Muhammad (PBUH), we should just try our best, and always have faith in God, that God would never neglect us, and will always provide with what's best for us.. :))

And what relates Global Warming with Global Economic Crisis? Very easy. This Global Economic Crisis, I think its God's beautiful way of fixing human's harm to Earth and teach all of us to be a better person. In a hard way.

No economy, no factories, no pollutions, no CO2s.

This is even better than Alan Weisman's extreme solution of exterminating humans from Earth. And my friends, who were being laid off, are all part of God's masterplan to revive Earth to it's glory.

With a lower income than before (or no income at all), humans are trying to adapt by consume less, recycle more, and .. I don't know. Maybe have more time to spend with their families?

It's not that bad after all, right? :)

Today I'm having a powerful encounter with a very unique, unpredictable and strong character. This character, is so unique and unpredictable, it's like nothing I've ever met before. I thought the world is only in black and white, but they do have greys.

This character is so unique, I can't even decide must I like or hate. And I decide to 10% like, and 90% just abstain. But I tend to like this character.

Anyway, this unique, unpredictable, strong character teaches me something really important.

1. Plan your future well. Plan what you want for your career and your life. Don't put your fate in the hands of others. This is a very strong statement, and I do admire this character for being able to really stand up for this principle. But I do want to be strong and firm like this as well. So maybe I'll try.. :)

We talked a lot, and I say to her, that I thought the only way to get a significant salary and position raise is by moving to another company. But this character said that it doesn't have to be like that. You can go up to the extend of going to your boss, and say to them that you need a raise, and here are the lists of things that I've done. And we can also compare ourselves with others at the same level, saying that we've done something better that this significant others and we'd definitely deserve to get something better.

2. Respect and think highly of yourself. Appreciate yourself, and others will do so also.

3. I am a valuable professional, and a great designer, and I should believe myself on this fact, as others also believe in me. I think this is one of the most flattering things that I've ever heard. This unique character, told me that I should be in a higher position that I have now. Because that's what she thought of me at first, and she felt that I was treated unjustly because I'm in the position that I am now, which should be higher. I already warn you that this character is very strong, and very unpredictable, and these words, coming out of this character, I should say is very flattering and encouraging. I do hope that this character is sincere with this statement, and meant nothing bad.

And anyway, this is the 2nd times that I heard this kind of statement, from an older and experienced and respected souls, so it must meant something right? :) RIGHT! So I must start believing in myself, and things that I can do, and move forward in the speed of light with my life.. :)

The other day I went to see Shigeru Ban's ContainArt at Marina Bay. It's interesting, how he use paper as a building material (he's been using it since 1986, can you imagine that?). And how he use building materials as part of the structure. In this case, he use the container as the wall, the structure and for creating space for the exhibition.

And then I read an article about him on Business Times Saturday. The most interesting part is when he say that building today is not as good as building 500 years ago. And his opinion about technology in architecture, design wise, technology (computer) can only make the design process faster, but not subsequently better.

In his opinion, we can create better architecture if only we spend a little more time designing, and a little more time building it.

:)

I miss my Grandmother so much lately.

I thought about her a lot.
And I thought about death.
And I thought about why I didn't try my best to come right on the day she's buried..

The truth is, ..

I'm scared. Scared that I won't be able to control myself, and just losing my self in a scary hole of hollowness. And hysterics. :(

And I want my last memory of my Grandmother is still her beautiful, healthy self. In fact, my last memory of her is not in a good condition, because she's terribly ill at that time. But at least she's alive at that time. And she's still be able to recognize me. And that's a good memory. And I want to keep it that way.

I bought her a perfume at that time. An expensive perfume that I know she'd love. She loves perfumes. And she get to smell it at that time.

I know it's a stupid gift. She's very ill. Apparently, dying. :( And I get her a perfume.

Oh God I miss her so much.. :((

The reason that I brought this topic up, is because I might not be able to visit her grave on Hari Raya. But I really wanted to.

What kind of granddaughter I am if I couldn't even visit her a year after her death? I really really want to visit her. Because I miss her so... much.. :((

I miss her much more now, than back then when she's still alive.. Maybe because right now, I know that I wouldn't be able to see her again.. :(

I want people to remember her. If not to know her, at least to know, that there once lived a wonderful woman named Sumarni. Although she might be just a little useless microscopic dot for the world, but I want the world to know, that I really really really love that microscopic dot. And to me, she means everything. To me, she's never a useless microscopic dot. She'll always be my star. She's my biggest star. Sometimes so close, sometimes so far, but nevertheless, always with me. Sometimes unreachable, but always reliable. I know she'll always be there, to watch over me, and love me.

Last week I'm back in Jakarta for a few days, and just realise that life in Jakarta, is an encapsulated life.

An encapsulated life, which put a distance between us and our Mother of Nature. Within these capsules, we're no longer touching the grounds, we're no longer caressing our Mother's womb, because some would consider it dirty. Within these capsules, we're no longer taking a deep breath and inhale the whole essence of life in the air, because, of course, it's highly polluted. Within these capsules, we're no longer touching the waters and drank joyfully from every other stream of water in sight. We can't do that, because, of course, it's contaminated with thousands of dangerous germs and chemicals.

We still can live "deliberately, to face only the essential fact of life" (as Thoreau once said) if you insist. As in, not living within the capsules. But I believe that you wouldn't live a long life. Simple as that.

The encapsulated life in Jakarta can be seen in many ways.

One of these capsules are cars. We were transported around the city within these. To make us move faster, to get us to places. Within these capsules we can create the environment we like. We do not interact with the ground, we do not interact with the air, nor the water, and we live happily inside our capsule. And life is good. For those living within. And for a short while.

Do you know how does it feel to walk alongside those capsules? Have you ever feel the hot air? The carbon dusts?

There's a balance for everything. And for the encapsulated joy that some people feel within, some would have to suffer the residue. The consequences.

And now, we are paying the consequences of capitalism. For the sins of the 1% which controls the 99% of the world.

Lately, people tend to ask me this question. I don't know why. Maybe because lately I develop this annoying habit of laughing at the wrong time.

But I just can't help it.

So now I'm trying to control this annoying habit, and really, think, before I type "hahaha" on yahoo messenger.

I thought I was doing pretty well until just now, my boyfriend ask me the question. "Why do you laugh?". Darn.

He called me, rather upset I think, after I text him that my plane will be delayed for 3 hrs, after before it called to change the flight time to 1.5 hour earlier.

I really don't know what to do. Because being angry never gives me good result, it doesn't give me the things I want anyway, so why bother? And my boyfriend ask me (with an upset tone), "So are the other passenger angry?". And there, I laugh. I laugh because I feel the irony. It actually is funny, in an ironic way. That these honorable passenger, the life and blood of this fucking airline (Mandala Air of Indonesia) are all being treated like shit, with an everchanging flight schedule, without even bother to inform the passenger with a proper sympathy or guilt or a real effort to make things better.

And even worse, none of these honorable passenger even give a proper reaction of anger. Including me, hahaha (this is an irony laugh). I think they're tired. I know I am. It would be like trying to tell a sheep to shave their own fur. It would be like trying to ask a stone to jump. Anyway, you know what I mean.

Even after the terrible plane crash accident in Manado, this fucking Mandala Airline of Indonesia doesn't even flinch to improve themselves. So, my honorable readers, this is the rotten fact of a rotten quality service of a rotten airline in Indonesia.

Last night I dreamt of my late Grandmother. Oh how I miss her.. :( She was amputated on both leg, but now she can stand up, and look much thinner and happier. Only shorter, which is okay, as long as she's happy and healthy. I hope she found health and happiness back there in the other realm, and I wish to Allah and the angels that may my Grandmother's fault are forgiven, and for Allah to take good care of her.. :)

Now back to my dream. She was laying down on her bed at first, with crumpled face. But then she receive a call, informing that my big brother had an accident, so she jumped to life instantly and get dressed.

Maybe I just miss her too much. Hope its not bad omen or something..