A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I found this video a few days after Indonesia's Independence Day celebration. My latest inspirational video.

Too bad for those of you who cannot understand Indonesian, because this speech is truly a great inspiration (which I'm too lazy to translate :D). The strong and determined voice of a great hero, burned the spirit and stirred the blood of all Indonesians, calling them to fight till they die, for it's better to die rather than being a mere puppet for another country.

Ah, so I guess they all died for nothing then ..?
:-S

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Kami yang kini terbaring antara Krawang-Bekasi
tidak bisa teriak “Merdeka” dan angkat senjata lagi.
Tapi siapakah yang tidak lagi mendengar deru kami,
terbayang kami maju dan mendegap hati ?

Kami bicara padamu dalam hening di malam sepi
Jika dada rasa hampa dan jam dinding yang berdetak
Kami mati muda. Yang tinggal tulang diliputi debu.
Kenang, kenanglah kami.

Kami sudah coba apa yang kami bisa
Tapi kerja belum selesai, belum bisa memperhitungkan arti 4-5 ribu nyawa

Kami cuma tulang-tulang berserakan
Tapi adalah kepunyaanmu
Kaulah lagi yang tentukan nilai tulang-tulang berserakan

Atau jiwa kami melayang untuk kemerdekaan kemenangan dan harapan
atau tidak untuk apa-apa,
Kami tidak tahu, kami tidak lagi bisa berkata
Kaulah sekarang yang berkata

Kami bicara padamu dalam hening di malam sepi
Jika ada rasa hampa dan jam dinding yang berdetak

Kenang, kenanglah kami
Teruskan, teruskan jiwa kami
Menjaga Bung Karno
menjaga Bung Hatta
menjaga Bung Sjahrir

Kami sekarang mayat
Berikan kami arti
Berjagalah terus di garis batas pernyataan dan impian

Kenang, kenanglah kami
yang tinggal tulang-tulang diliputi debu
Beribu kami terbaring antara Krawang-Bekasi

Chairil Anwar (1948)
Brawidjaja, Jilid 7, No 16, 1957


[Krawang-Bekasi]
--translated by Burton Raffel

We who are lying, now, near Krawang-Bekasi,
We can no longer cry out “Freedom,” no longer lift our rifles

But who cannot still hear our moans?
Still see us marching forward, unafraid?

We speak to you out of the suspended silence of evening
When the chest feels empty, when clocks tick away time

We died young. All that remains of us: bones covered with dust.
Remember, remember us!

We’ve tried, done all we could
But the job isn’t finished, is hardly begun

We’ve given the lives we had
The job isn’t finished, no one can count up, still, the meaning of four thousand,
of five thousand lives

We are only scattered bones
But they belong to you
And you will decide the value of these scattered bones
Either we died for freedom, for victory, for hope

Or for nothing.
We don’t know, we can no longer say
Only you can speak, now

We speak to you out of the suspended silence of evening
When the chest feels empty, when clocks tick away time

Remember, remember us—
Let our lives live on
Guarding Soekarno
Guarding Hatta
Guarding Sjahrir

We are corpses
Give us meaning
Keep watch over the frontier between reality and illusion

Remember, remember us
Who survive only in these bones covered with dust
Thousands of us, lying near Krawang-Bekasi.


．Burton Raffel, ed. & trans., The Complete Poetry and Prose of Chairil Anwar,
Albany : State University of New York Press, 1970, pp. 126-129.

Lately, people tend to ask me this question. I don't know why. Maybe because lately I develop this annoying habit of laughing at the wrong time.

But I just can't help it.

So now I'm trying to control this annoying habit, and really, think, before I type "hahaha" on yahoo messenger.

I thought I was doing pretty well until just now, my boyfriend ask me the question. "Why do you laugh?". Darn.

He called me, rather upset I think, after I text him that my plane will be delayed for 3 hrs, after before it called to change the flight time to 1.5 hour earlier.

I really don't know what to do. Because being angry never gives me good result, it doesn't give me the things I want anyway, so why bother? And my boyfriend ask me (with an upset tone), "So are the other passenger angry?". And there, I laugh. I laugh because I feel the irony. It actually is funny, in an ironic way. That these honorable passenger, the life and blood of this fucking airline (Mandala Air of Indonesia) are all being treated like shit, with an everchanging flight schedule, without even bother to inform the passenger with a proper sympathy or guilt or a real effort to make things better.

And even worse, none of these honorable passenger even give a proper reaction of anger. Including me, hahaha (this is an irony laugh). I think they're tired. I know I am. It would be like trying to tell a sheep to shave their own fur. It would be like trying to ask a stone to jump. Anyway, you know what I mean.

Even after the terrible plane crash accident in Manado, this fucking Mandala Airline of Indonesia doesn't even flinch to improve themselves. So, my honorable readers, this is the rotten fact of a rotten quality service of a rotten airline in Indonesia.

This isn't a political insight whatsoever, this is merely my thoughts. A thought that never seems to be out of my head and so I've share and post it on this blog. It's concerning this one sentence from Hamengku Buwono X on one of Andy Noya's interview session at Kick Andy that said (more or less.. *wink* ), "I don't want to run myself for President. If the people of Indonesia needs me, they'll come for me".

To me, it clarifies the whole 'satrio piningit' term (english: the undisclosed warrior). A real warrior never claimed itself as warrior. This is part of Javanese wisdom which (unfortunately) in this modern capitalist days are considered as the Javanese's lack of competitiveness, which kept us dumb, stupid and underestimated by others...

Oh well.. Anyway, I'm a Javanese too. Altough I'm considered uncompetitive, and always underestimated by others, I'm still proud to be a Javanese. *grin*

I just recently watch the Sultan Hamengku Bowono X interview with Andy Noya in Metro TV. It's a very inspiring and open minded interview.

He said that the world now is measured only by materialistic figures, and not by its humanity and religiousity, as it's supposed to be anymore. It hits me, because that's exactly how I felt. It's been on my mind for a while, and until now, I feel like something has gone wrong with me.

Is it just me? Or the world has gone totally crazy? I don't know what's wrong and what's right anymore, and I just don't know the words to express it.

Even my parents-- in relation with their obsession to see me working for PU-- I felt their dissapointment for me. To me, within their dissapointment I feel like they see me as a failed being, just because I couldn't make as much money as my cousin (who worked for PU, of course..) I felt bad about my parent's dissapointment, and I'm sad because they can only see me from that 1 point of view. Although I couldn't make as much money as my cousin, I'm still a good person like they've grown me to be. I'm honest, I'm smart, I've a good sense of design, I'm not corrupt, I'm happy, I care a great deal about the environment.. I'm a responsible citizen, and I am a good and happy person no matter how much money I can make. Can they just understands it? They still think that people without money is crippled in this society. No matter how good, how smart, how religious, how honest they are. And that kind of point of view just upsets me.

I hate the feeling they give me, I don't know, probably they'd feel it as their own failure or mine. But still a failure nevertheless. And I feel guilty for it. And I know I shouldn't! And they shouldn't also. It's just this materialistic and capitalistic ways of life has driven us all crazy, and forgetting the true meaning of why we're here. And what we're supposed to do in this world.

And in relation with the Sultan's interview, I'm touched with his honesty, his wisdom and his (trying to be) purity. He's fully aware of what his birth-right and lifetime super political power has brought him, and he knows exactly how to use it, wisely. That is to serve the community. It's very simple and I've heard it like a thousand times, but not until now did I realise how difficult that is. I think that the Sultan is raised to think of himself a servant for the community. To think that as a person with high position and super political power, he must be strong and selfless. Like a cup, to be fully functioned, it must be emptied first. Then he can be fully useful for others. That's just simply magnificent, and I hope that if everybody with power in this country can think like that, then Indonesia will have high hopes to be one of the leading superpowers of the world.

All the glitter and glam from working for the Government (PNS) has seduced almost 6million Indonesian people with bachelor degree into applying for any position available. Not to mention the ones with no degree-- they have to find a way to somehow, managed to get the bachelor diploma, whatever it takes. Money will make sure that hard work won't have anything to do with it.

I wanted a good life, I wanted to have loads, even tonnes of money, but I want to earn it the right way. At least for me. My Dad is a PNS, and I'm grateful for his love, for everything he has done for me, and I know he's a very good father, a wonderful person, and never a corruptor. It's just when you're working for the Government, it'll be dead hard to avoid receiving such money. It's inevitable.

I'll choose to carve my own path and leaving the easy road. May God be my guide along the way.. :-)

As a middle-low class costumer in a third world country, we're used to be pushed around by capital owners, pressed with low price, so even there's a saying "Costumer is King", we're basically at the mercy of those service providers/capital owners. Lay helpless at their feet, fooled and dragged around like a garbage bag. The government has never done a real thing to protect us, they're too busy doing things that we'll never understand, so we'd just have to protect ourselves. In any way, though most of the time it only seems like a useless effort.

What I experienced most often is in transportation. I don't have a car, and I couldn't afford a chauffeur, so I take that option out. I couldn't drive a motorcycle, not to mention it's a very unstable and unsafe vehicle, so that option goes out too. That leaves us with only the public transportation. Busses, trains, airplanes. They all have one thing in common. WE CAN'T TRUST THEM. It's a bitter and embarrassing truth, but that's our public transportation. We couldn't trust them with PUNCTUALITY, we couldn't trust them with SAFETY, we couldn't trust them with COSTUMER SERVICE. And those 3 are the most important factors of public transportation services. Just have a look around, take a pick, and I'll tell you a story of why we shouldn't trust that vehicle. So in this city we couldn't predict nor plan anything by the minute. We should be used on getting late to appointments, or wasting too much time by coming way too early. But either way, you already waste a great deal of time in your life by sitting unproductively in the vehicle. You don't have any bargaining power what soever. We're supposed to sit tight, wait, and be patient. Forever. This is a very ugly picture of how a city, a megapolitan works. No wonder everything in this city is ruined.

Sample #1, traffic jam.
In Jakarta, everybody are brainwashed, that it's okay to waste 3-6 hours a day just to sit and wait. Can you imagine, it's literally 10-25% of one's life/day. So if you live until 80 years old, you should dedicates 8-20 years of your life just to sit unproductively. What a great number.. Imagine what you can do with that wasted time.


Sample #2, busway.
Busway, or TransJakarta is the most prominent type of public transportation is Jakarta. Another embarrassing fact, that in the 21th century, 60years after Proklamasi Kemerdekaan (Liberty Declaration, that is..) THAT is our best and most advanced solution for traffic jam, which haven't really solved anything. And completed with a poor system of signage and public information, these busses are also hopeless. They're supposed to be the most prominent hemoglobin that runs along the most important veins and arteris of Jakarta, the hemoglobin that supposed to run smoothly so it can keep our body alive and well all the time. But like the hemoglobin of a fat person, it stuck on lumps of fat or God knows what, and it couldn't deliver itself on-time as it supposed to. And we're dead. If you decides to use this mode of transportation with a high hope of finally defeating Jakarta's deadly traffic jam in a very affordable and comfortable fashion, then you're so blindly wrong..

Sample #3, train.
Most inter-city trains that I've ever ride on are late. From 30mins to 3 hours. I don't know how about the KRL (Kereta Rel Listrik). Even a short trip from Bandung to Jakarta is 30mins late on arrival. What if on that fateful day I was foolishly decided to ride on a train to Jakarta and catch a bus to the airport from there? I'd definitely looking stupid by missing a plane, with over an hour late from departure. So.. Again, we must plan ahead, and add another few hour to spend unproductively. And again, we are defeated, fall helplessly at the stinky feet of public transportation business owners.

Sample #4, airport busses.
I've too many experience with these lazy busses so I'd risk on going to the airport by ojek (motorcycle) rather than the lazy bus. They don't seems to have a schedule, so they can park and wait for the bus to be full the whole day if they really have too. From bus station to airport or vice versa, it's the same thing. So customers are nothing. For this lazy busses the customers are like walking ATM, that generates money and have no right to complain, and doesn't even have a time constraint or any sense or urgency. In fact I don't even think they actually know that such word does exist. So it can be delivered whenever they feel like going.

Sample #5, airplanes.
I'm tired with the list so this is going to be the last entry, though I still have a lot of things at the back of my mind. Anyway, this last mode of transportation has been under the spotlight for a while. Since several horrible plane accidents, the government are getting strict about safety requirement. But again, they're victimize the weakest party, which is, as always, the customer. Over 100 ppl are lost on their way to Manado using AdamAir. Countless of ppl are delayed using various airplanes. And the latest experience happened to my parents. After canceling the AdamAir ticket to Surabaya, they finally bought AirAsia for 15.30. But when they showed up in airport, turns out that the 15.30 flight is canceled to 21.00. Yep, 5,5 hours delay. My parents are furious, but there's nothing they can do. So they just bought a new ticket, which is Lion Air, for 17.50 flight. After waited for a while, my parents can relax and just wait for the flight. But guess what happened? The flight was AGAIN delayed to 20.30! So much for a transportation we can rely on and trust. So you see, this 3 popular airlines are unbelievably unprofessional.

And now you're thinking, "What about the others??"

It's been on my head these past weeks but I couldn't get it out just yet. You know, like the terrible urge to sh*t but you couldn't do it yet, not until the right time, after it has reach certain point of density.. And yesterday, on an article in Sunday paper, the words just hit me.

Poverty (Miskin)
The World Bank reports that 49% of the entire population in Indonesia lives in poverty and/or on the verge of poverty... ..We can no longer accuse fate as the cause of our difficult life, as there are options and opportunities opening wide everywhere. But it's because of the foolish egocentricism of the political power holder that often blocked these opportunities.

So it explains everything.

Starting from my needs for a faster computer. A laptop. FYI, to buy a laptop which meet my needs will sucked up almost my entire savings. And after that, I'm penniless. Poor. My 3 years of working savings, will be gone. Only for a laptop. Well, luckily I do still have other savings. But it's considered untouchable, because I keep that for a greater future needs.. ;))

While my friends who lives (work/ study) abroad goes taking a trip around Europe twice within 3 months period; or easily bought a laptop with their 1 month salary out of a part time job as a waitress.

I feel miserable.

I can't even afford to buy my essential needs. And especially computer, in this era, which shouldn't be a thing of luxury. Well, laptop is only slightly pricey.. And God knows I've a lot more other important needs than laptop.

I need to plan ahead, and I couldn't do it without a saving. If it took me a year of saving to buy a laptop, then after how many years can I have my own house? Car? And how am I suppose to raise my children? Send them to the best schools? How many years should I save for all that?

And I came to a conclusion that this country couldn't give me the opportunities and support I need. It has failed me, and it has failed the entire population...