A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I don't have time to do this!

Jeez, that's the lamest excuse I have ever heard. And I hate hearing people keep saying that. You always have time for everything if you really wanted to, and if you at least try.

I don't do excuses and nonsense. I just try to do the best that I can. No excuses. No tai-chi's. But apparently everyone here is so good at it. I've never work in a place like this in Indonesia. But in my pre-Singapore experience for 5 years, I've never seen office tai-chi's being practised almost shamelessly. :-S

This morning at the bus on my way to the office I was reading "How Jane Won" by Sylvia Rimm. And I'm so inspired by those fabulous women and how determined are they to reach for whatever they wanted no matter the obstacles. The book is a compilation of 55 short stories on how they can achieve their current position. My favorite quote is from Shelley Berkley,

"Life is based on faith, but if you believe in youself, and you know what is important to you, you're going to be okay".

Awesomeee .. :D
I read only up to the 5th story, but when I get off the bus, already I feel so determined to do the best that I can do, and to work really hard to achieve what I want.

But then, when I get there, and reality hits me like a ton of bricks ... I've to admit that I do feel disappointed.

So, the question is, between tai-chi practitioners and hard workers; who will most likely to succeed?

It strikes me this morning, while I'm doing the Spa layout while glancing at google thinking of what I want to read and search today, and absorbing my drifting thoughts and chatted online with my hubby and friends *yes, I am a multitasker, and a good one, that is ;)*. And it strikes me that I need a new camera. A pocket camera with a good wide angle.

YES.

It's just that I'm reminiscing my GoodLorax blog, and thinking what a nice photo objects we have here in this squeaky clean sunny little island, and thinking about other trips that me and my husband are planning in the future, and what a nice angles I took *smug* and thinking it would be great for my art-culture-travel review if I had a good camera, with wide angle, of course.

It's a lame excuse maybe, but at least I got one. :D

Anyway, after that I'm doing a research on a few wide angled prosumer cameras (it's like a crossbreed between pocket camera and DSLR), and found this 2 candidates, Ricoh Caplio GX-200, and Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX3.

After a couple of hours of browsing, I kind of lean on to this LX3. Although I do consider a few other options like Nikon Coolpix P90, Canon Powershot SX10 IS, and Lumix FZ28 ..

After a few more hours of web page flipping and reading, I stumbled into the famous Xiaxue blog. I've heard about her before from a friend that described her as "the blogger who got famous after posting her nose job pics on her blog", but haven't got the chance to look and read her blog.

And I did, just now.

And guess what I found? :D

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lumix LX3 !!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Omigod, she's using Lumix LX3 !! I think this is some sort of fate, or revelation, or whatever. And in her blog she said that Rozz (from 98.7, from Shan & Rozz, the afternoon radio show that I always listened to), is also using this LX3 !!

Wow..

:)

I know this is some kind of sign. :)

Anyway, I think I will definitely buy this camera if my husband got that new job. You know, bigger income, more money to spend on fun. :D Because this camera is quite pricey. I looked over a couple of online stores in Singapore, and they sell it at the range of 680 - 700 SGD. Quite pricey, but I think it would definitely worth every cents.


*sigh*

"cross fingers and hope that hubby will get the job ..*



It looks just like another pocket camera, but see that sticker that says 24 mm WIDE ANGLE? Geez..

It makes all the difference. Just take a look at the picture below (taken from http://www.sammiller.net/Blog/Digital-Camera-Wide-Angle-Lens-Comparison).

I took the 35 mm picture as comparison, because most cameras uses this lens, including my hubby's, and my current camera.

Unless I wanted to upgrade to DSLR (which I don't want to do, because of the weight and size and price factor), I think LX3 is the best choice around (for me).

Did you know how people who thought they are at a higher social & economic level than others tends to take others for granted? This act has been done by my boss, just to show (supposedly) me that he's better than me. Well, in age and wealth, that's definitely. He's a good a lot older and richer. And for some people, that kind of act may cause them to give more respect, but not me. I found that act ridiculous. And I've never pay respect for someone who wouldn't respect others.

I just browse through my cd collection, looking for mp3s to put in my new 1gig micro SD when I found a data cd with my personal datas when I was still in university. It feels like I'm opening a pandora box. My past has flew fast in front of me and I miss it a lot. I was so full of energy and dreams, and I'm pursuing it with great determination. Compared to who I am now, I feel like dying.. I'm not who I am supposed to be anymore.. Maybe that's faith, but I miss my old me.. I miss myself.. I miss my dreams.. I miss pursuing them with great determination. Does one really have to choose at some point? Can't we just have it all? Where should I go? What should I do with the future that lies wide in front of me? Where should I go? What is it that I want? I feel completely clueless. But whatever it is, I've to found the answer soon. And I've to make my life far more productive than for just work.. And work.. And work. I am dead trapped in the rat race that I've always hate and tries to run from.

If there's anybody wondering why would I put 2nd instead of 1st, it's simply bcause yesterday I'm too tired and overworked. My body clock hasn't adjusted itself to this new pace of life. Anyhow, I feel excited. i think working in a consultant is a good choice for me. It's tiring, and it's only been 2 days, but I get excited. It's not what I expected, because at first I'm not excited at all. But I saw a big streak of silver lining on the horizon, and I've high hopes. Overworked and tired are meaningless compared to the feeling of having my work completed and soon will be built. The joy will doubles up, and I'm high in admiration & self content. Sounds very narcisstic, LOL, but it's true. It's only been 2 days, but I've learn a lot. So, doing what I really like, get paid pretty well and have the chance to learn a whole new things.. I just hope I could get a good career leap somehow..

This new year's resolution (Imlek that is.., even though I'm not celebrating it but this year the energy is very strong) is to flow positive energy as much as possible into my life. Last year I've been talking too much, obsessed with something that I don't really want, confused and hopeless.. So for this year I'm not after the material goal, instead I'm going to work on my personality and way of life. It will look like a (material) set back, which actually is a (spiritual) fast track advancement. This year I really wanted to focus, have a clear goal and start to work my plan and aiming from there. This year I will also have a positive attitude towards everything, and I'll be grateful for every blessings Allah has given to my life. I wanted to be closer to Allah, I wanted to share my happiness with others. I wanted to be kind to create a good karma. It sounds easy, but trust me, it's not. As a start, whatever job I'll ended up with next month, I'll try to be grateful and make the best out of it.. Believing that it's Allah's way to show me which the best path to go. Trying to accept that however bad it looked for now, I'll come to realize that IT IS the best option.. Amen.

I wanted a career.. I wanted to be a Senior Manager in some flashy company, highly overpaid to do the things that I've a great passion with, the things i love most.. I want soul serenity balanced with all the best in life's happiness..

Have i done a mistake?
Have i took the wrong and mislead pathways along the line?
A dear friend's right, I need a target.
I need a goal.

Probably 15million Indonesian salary before i hit 30?
And my own company before i hit 35?
And make it a huge success before i hit 40?
And what if i failed?


......





Shit.

I don't know.

We just have to find out, and stick to the plan..

So... Whatever it is to come, just face it with a smile. We made plans, but destiny's giving it a turn.. And we have to turn, or we'll be frustrated and go crazy. Don't try to fight it, but just go with the flow.. And make the best out of the turn.. I might be unhappy ended up working in a consultant -- something i dread and avoid since graduation. But now here i am..

Let's just make the best out of this journey. And always remember to give the best out of you. Don't ever be lazy because life's hard, and it will need a lot of power, strength and persistence. Simply be the best, and work hard. God help me to be the best in whatever i do, give me the power to be strong and persistent. Give me the courage to fight, and please give me the light and accompany me along the way.. Amen. Whatever happened during my 1year and 11month of service in this company is precious, and i will treasure it all my life. It's a worthy experience, and i think in a way God is preparing me for a bright future.. :)

I just finished reading The Devil Wears Prada, which I found highly entertaining merely because how close can I have it related to my own experience. Although my version of the devil only wears his yellowing teeth and his quirky hair everywhere. :P But still thank Goodness that my boss isn't as bitchy as Miranda, or probably am, the thing he does with throwing away Starbucks just because it's not hot enough or it's mocha latte, not latte or something like that.. The good thing is that he's not doing it to me, so.., definitely not my problem and not my business.

Anyway, back to the main topic. Lately I've been working with this guy (a contractor, who runs his family business for his father while working for Exxon Mobil (damn his life couldn't be better..)) When I first met him, I instantly spot the most-expensive-type-of-nokia + gucci eye glasses + working suit + Exxon name card. Uh uh. Plus a master degree from UK. Good enough for me.

And on the next encounter at the site (yes, the construction site that's basically dusty and rotten..) It's big gold neck chain + Burberry hat + rolex watch + gucci eye glasses + shirt and sneakers and short which I haven't been able to identify from what brand.

And the next encounter, on Friday night. Seems like he just had a date, because he's looking very cool with jeans and all. But what interest me more is who does he wearing that night? It's still the same set of rolex + gucci + most-expensive nokia + gold chain and topped with guess shirt + oh darn I forget that brand of the bag he's wearing.. :((

It doesn't have a real connection what so ever with the book. But I just find it amusing meeting someone (a guy!!) who actually wear those brand I only dare to read in books and magazines.

And I wonder, was all that makes him a fashion addict? Or just simply darn successful in life? *shit!!*

I can get used of this city, and slowly everything isn't as painful as before..
It's just that, I'm longing for a change. And for a better future (well who doesn't??). And seems like everything went veeeryyyy slow..

And some people which I expected to be supportive isn't helping at all.. So I'm totally on my own.. It's a good thing I'm not under as much stress as before, or I'll just cracked and went ballistic. *sigh* Totally disappointing. I don't know where I done wrong? What did I do to deserve all the ignorance??

Many many thanks to a lot of local friend who always been very helpful (Bee and Paew and New), and always asks, "What can I do for you, Iva?" or "What do you want me to bring for lunch/breakfast tomorrow?". SUPER!! ;))

Without them, my life will be a living hell.

Things are happening all over again, and however beautiful the place I'm in right now, I'm not feeling even the slightest happiness... :((

I'm very far away from those I love, and I'm doing this shitty job for this **shole, and all this things are draining me up.. And the thoughts of not be able to coming home soon has made me suffer even more.

All I'm thinking of is to get out of this damn place, this damn shitty hole called company, and just live my life with the ones I love. And achieve my dreams..

How I'm longing for those beautiful days..

I really am very very very sorry to say this, but I think I have a serious problem, called as the above title. The constant-job-changing-syndrome.

I hits me again.

And NO, I don't do anything wrong.

Somehow I think it's the fastest way to get salary increase, (which is waaaaaaaaaaaayyy.. more than the mere 10%- 15% annual adjustment), plus it is also the easiest way to learn new things, which I really LOVE to do.

I always thought about writing a book about jobs and careers.

Yes, ME, the ill minded career psycho.

It's like taking an advice on vegan diet from the Big Bad Wolf. Gee.. Anyway, I always imagine the title will be something like, "An Imbicile's Guide to Career Advancement".

But I also want to warn you people about the danger of this syndrome. That is the hell of a time you need to fit in. It could take up to 6 months!! So you'd have to stay there (at that company) for at least 12 months to pay up for that time you need to fit in. Less than a year, well, it'll look sooooo.. bad in your CV, unless you can manage to prove an excellent career track, or a super-amazing work portfolios. Whatever that is. Whichever comes first.

I still have a lot to say. But for the complete story (so you don't need to be confused by this scattered notes), I suggest you to BUY the book. Whenever it will finally be done and comes out.

Yeah, right...

trained to be cocky
trained to be proud of something so insignificant

trained to think that they're the smartest, most qualified human being alive
trained to think that you must appreciate your inferiors..
trained to think that they know EVERYTHING..
trained to think that soon they'll be at the top of the top

feed them a little dream..
then tied them all up with the string of obligation

there you have it..
a bunch of cocky little blue cellar worker who thinks that they're at the top of the top..

.... poor little thing

ini kantor apa kuburan yaa... baru jam segini and everybody's GONE!! Jeezz....

Browse photos of NY, and actually meditates on them, suck those pictures into my head and out of my hands (hopefully, but not just yet..) had LOADS of new ideas, but too lazy to actually have it drawn.. But at least I have ideas.. :D Baca milis, baca e-book.. wahh... bener2 berasa makan gaji buta.. ;D but c'est la vie..

Anyway, one cannot be creative without having to emptied one's head from every clutters.. so that's why I'm emptying mine right now.. :DD