A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I met Surya Paloh today. He's checking out my design in a hair salon, on his gym session break, for a mere minute, shook my hand, tell me it's great, and walked away. Just like that.

After hours of preparations, several commuting routes from the supplier, an hour plus of waiting, and heaps of documents to carry along. Not that I'm complaining, but it's just.. Too much.

Anyway, it's the first time I talked to a celebrity. Not just the usual your everyday infotainment celebrities, but someone of high power and wealth. But then, he's still rank pretty low amongst other rich Indonesians.

Which got me thinking.. Me, who never gets anxious into being at proximity with someone famous, finally gets anxious! :)) So I'm not entirely immune to celebrity-dom after all...

Did you know how people who thought they are at a higher social & economic level than others tends to take others for granted? This act has been done by my boss, just to show (supposedly) me that he's better than me. Well, in age and wealth, that's definitely. He's a good a lot older and richer. And for some people, that kind of act may cause them to give more respect, but not me. I found that act ridiculous. And I've never pay respect for someone who wouldn't respect others.

No, the title isn't some figure of speech. The title clearly telling you that I am dreaming about Soeharto, last night. It's a weird dream, and I woke up instantly, because of the heat and the mosquito bites, of course.

After all it's not a bad dream, definitely not a nightmare, just a weird dream. Why would on earth I dreamt of Soeharto? I could've just dreamt of my late Grandmother, it's far better, and I miss her too.

In my dream, I was his grand daughter. He's sitting on a bench wearing black shirt, and I asked him how is he doing? He looked healthy and younger than he is now, and he told me he's fine. That's all I can remember. But maybe that's all. No more, no less.

Anyway, I looked up at dreamdoctor, and I checked on the dictionary under C, for Celebrity. Yep, Soeharto is a celebrity of his kind, whatever that is. And it said that it's a sign, that I'm going to be elevated into a celebrity level. Or a higher level than I am now. Woww.. I never even thought of it.. It sounds like a good idea though. Let's just hope so, and also hope for the best, that this is going to be a good sign for my new Singapore adventure.. :-D

I feel very weird this last few days.. I feel anxious and weird, and sad and bitter, and insecurity and doubt towards I don't know what..

I guess I'm losing my trust in him, but I don't know why..

I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know does God wants to tell me something, or this is just one of those low days, when I wasn't being myself..

" I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Pardon me for not being able to spot this image up to 10 months after the biggest flood in Jakarta.. I'm trying to, with my limited resorces, but I've tried.

And this is the very first publication of the sumur resapan diagrams I've ever seen.

We should have this picture socialized to the whole community months ago!! This image is do damn important, I wonder why people doesn't even care to apply this simple technique to make our world, our city, a better place.

It's the very least thing we can do...

I wanted to be the Wind, I wanted to be the Sun, I'll run recklessly chasing whatever dreams I got in my life.. I wanted to run up to the top of Everest and shouted to the whole world that I am capable of EVERYTHING.. And I'll be able to do whatever my heart told me, whenever I like.. No pretenses, no fake smiles, no blackened heart. I wanted to be free of everything, I wanted to be free of pain, of misery, of all the bad thought and bad things that poisoned the World. I wanted to be free, I wanted to be pure, I wanted to be sincere. I want to live in a world where no strategies, no lies, no deceit and no hypocrisy.. I wanted to live purely and innocently, in a pure world, with selfless people, kind and considerate as they'd always be..

Suddenly I feel tired of all this. Sick of having to depend so much on money. So I'd have to be either filthy rich, or so carelessly poor in the depth of rain forest in Kalimantan, dedicating myself to save the environment or try stopping the illegal logging, or just trying to educate the uncivilized tribes there, before they ate my flesh and hung my shrunkened head on a stick outside their village.. :))

I need tranquility, I need stability, I need comfort, and I need a peace of mind. I need to take a stroll up to a hill/ forest/ lake.. And just sit there watching the world spinning around me like there'll be no tomorrow.. And probably there won't be any, but at least I've made my peace.

I wanted to sit by my window, watch the sun goes down, blackened the skies, and just listen to the wind gushing and rain drops, doors banging and a distant human noises..

And I'm free.

I just saw the Golden Compass yesterday, and it's interesting that daemons and their humans can't be separated. Daemons are part of the human soul, and if they are to be separated, it'll drive each other crazy and they'd have to endured an excruciating pain to the level of death.

That's exactly how I feel when I don't see or at least talked to him. If we were living in the Golden Compass parallel world, I think I'm becoming his daemon, or he's becoming mine. This fact I learned yesterday, when I got mad at him over a thing, and I decided to ignore him. But the more I try to ignore & hate him, the more my heart aches. I'm trying to hurt him, but the fact that it hurts me also..

And then once again I pray to God, for God to show me the way, and to separate our hearts if we weren't meant to be, and to holds our hearts together if we're meant to be.. And apparently, later that night, the anger has gone and we're lovers again.. ;-)

The war against carbon gasses emissions has gone to an insane level, I think.

Not long ago I read about scientists has found that paddy (yes, our very own paddy, the one plant that Dewi Sri has given her name for) emits quite a significant number of carbon into the atmosphere, and now the scientists are trying to develop an 'environmental friendly' paddy (gee, the term itself disgusts me.. :-P). Can anyone see the weirdness of those lines? I thought the word 'environmental friendly' is only for those things that aren't existed naturally in nature. But PADDY??!?!?! Hmm, well, apparently not.. :-P That's 1 forgiven ridiculousness. And I thought, we can forgive this one. After all, if it's worth for the sake of the whole society, then why not?

But then came the 2nd news that changes my opinion almost entirely. Which is, scientists has done research on cows, and it turns out that their farts emits a 'significant' (I don't know what that word actually means anymore..) carbon gasses to the atmosphere; while kangaroo's fart are more 'environmentally friendly' than cows. And now scientists are doing a research to make cows fart like kangaroos. Now how stupid is THAT??

This war against carbon gasses has gone from denial, skeptical, thriving, supportive to obsessed and ridiculous.

Or maybe it is way easier to make a different kind of paddy, or to make cows farts like kangaroos; than banned capitalists & crazy industrial businesses in countries like USA and China?