A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

I looked up to my Mother. I think she’s a very graceful lady, strong, powerful, a natural leader, yet very social and likable. I always wanted to be like her. She’s (originally) not very pretty. But she’s attractive, and only with a light (but right) make up, it can lighten up her face and make her looked very pretty.

I liked watching her doing make up. I like to see her face changes, and when she already fully dressed, seeing how graceful she is, and I always thought, will I ever be like her?

I then looked at the mirror, and thinks, how ugly I am. I’ll never be as graceful, as social, and as likable as she. I’ll never get to be a natural leader like her because I’m too shy. I was more like my Father, physically and personally, but not as smart.

My Mother has all the EQ, and my Father has his high IQ. They’re a perfect match, though naturally very different in so many ways. But I inherited none of the good things.
I’m a mixed of the entire negative thing my parents has. Well, I’m not always THIS negative, but that thought came to my mind pretty often.

As a child I was in the verge of abnormally-quiet. I’m so shy and quiet, I didn’t even say a word when I realized that there’s a cockroach, just died because I stepped on it (obviously!), inside my shoe. And I carry that cockroach in my shoe all day in school, hoping that nobody would realize the strange smell coming out of my shoe..

But as I grew up I have more friends, and I became less neither shy nor quiet. And soon after I graduated, I’ve my first serious relationship (not just a fling or a desperate attempt to have one although we both know it’s not possible..), and I feel my confidence escalated. Not too high, but enough to learn about all the social skill required. And then I get to know make up. I mean not just knowing, but really KNOW. Well, not 100% knowing, but enough. I learn that I too can look pretty. And I too can be as graceful as my Mother. I think that’s my turning point. In fact, I think I inherited my Mother’s gracefulness. And how my face can also be lighten up by using the right make-up, and my strength and power. I’m not as social and likable as her, but I’m still happy with who I am, and I have my good friends to support me. And I know I’m not a natural leader like her, but as my career grew higher I think I can learn about being a leader along the way. And right at this point, I can look back and see how I grew up, and I really appreciate the process. And the most important thing is that I can make my parents proud of me.