A place where I can live, breathe, talk and see

Pardon me if there’s an improper grammatical use in the above title, but that described exactly what I felt.

I’ve been anxiously waiting for his call for 1.5 hours, since 20.30. His body clock used to be very punctual, and he always slept at 22.00, so I think it’s pretty reasonable for me to worry where the hell is he at that hour, when he must’ve been very sleepy..

Each time passes I get worried even more. Why hadn’t he called? Is there something happened to him? What if he lied and instead of having a dinner feast with his office buddies he could’ve been having dinner with a girl or something? And my horribly creative minds are starting to generate plots and stories.. And I’m getting more and more worried…

I hate waiting. That’s for sure. But what I hate more is to wait without any certainty.

I was suffocated by my own thoughts and fears. And it’s so terribly poisoning that I could barely think clear. Or probably I was just sick of keep on using my reasons and wanted to dwell in what my heart has to say..

I don’t know probably I was just over-reacting or being childish. But you know what I really really wanted to hear?

I wanted to hear him say sorry for keeping me waiting, I want him to apologize for making me worried, and for all the tears I’ve shed..

Furthermore, I want him to pat my head, hold my hands, kiss my forehead and whispers that he’s sorry and he’ll never do that again..

But I think it’s just will never happen..

A New Year is coming, a new challenge is ahead us. As listening to prophecies being told about what will happened in the coming years makes me feel uneasy. I just hope and pray that all of my loved ones are safe, and that I can still share something for those in needs. And it’s only the 1st day of 2007 when we heard the shocking news of accidents everywhere. Plane crashes, ship drowns, flood, land slides, me office-less..

I keep praying and hoping to God to save us all…

Amen..

After a chat with a dear friend, discussing nothing and everything, we finally talked about my surroundings. Friends. Girl friends. And it just strikes me that 3 of my closest circles are having an affair with non-single guys. With the recent issues of polygamy, cheating husbands, and I just sit, watching the news and keep asking myself, what’s happening to the world?
As a girl with boyfriend, I’d definitely will tear off any girl who tries to play around with my guy, let alone having an affair with him. And vice versa, if I happened to be single. If we don’t like to be hit, don’t hit others. It’s a simple karma rule.

But why does it keep on happening?

Honestly, I don’t have an answer for this one. I guess it’s just a matter of statistics, which I always heard that the female populations are outnumbering the males. But does it justify treachery? And what will happen to the world if we cannot trust our lovers any longer? If we can no longer trust our own souls? And what is the solution to that?

Then I come to my 3 closest circles to seek for an answer. And one said that it’s because she’s lonely. She’s never the cheating type, but loneliness beats good sense. Rather pathetic, but it’s a fact.

The 2nd friend said that it’s simply lust. And she never found someone as “good” as this guy she’s been involved with.

While my 3rd friend said, well, she’s having a hard time looking for a permanent lover, while the hormones are pushing out all the times, and she HAS to find someone, even if it makes her to be a part-time lover.

And me, when I was single and desperately looking, it really is hard to find an eligible nice single straight guys who wants me.. And having some relationship with non-single guys is interesting and fun. It’s one of the ways to prove myself (or is it just an apology? ) better than other girls, and that I am still wanted.. And I can tease the guy and (hopefully) talked him into leaving his current girlfriend. Pathetic hope. Sad but true. Sad because, I could’ve ended up being only a part-time lover while he keeps having fun with his girlfriend(s). That’s what happened to my 2nd friend, by the way. He promised her that he’ll break up with his girlfriend and make her his. And instead of make her his, he gets himself another girl, whilst making my friend his permanent part-timers.

I really don’t know how to conclude this, but just take good care of yourselves. And do what is considered right to your heart.. Which I believe is the ultimate truth.